We All Need Some Titanic Moments

Ok, so I'm not a big fan of Titanic. I admit, I saw it twice when it came out, and have watched parts when it's on TV. I have never cried when Jack sinks into the ocean, sorry. However, one of my favorite parts of the movie is at the end. When Rose speaks of Jack's encouragement to do many things in her life, and the camera spans past the pictures of her life. Many women I know were married very young. It seems like when this happens, we quickly become immersed in children and balancing everything out. But my heart hurts for women that live life afraid of living. There are many things in a female's life that require bravery and courage. One of my favorite quotes is from the movie Bounce..."It's not brave if you're not scared." I think this is very true. Our minds sometimes hurt at the thought of trying things that are scary.
My friend Mary of the Sweet Mary blog has taught me by her own example to not be afraid. She has lived all over the world, she moved to Rhode Island alone after her divorce to attend culinary school. And she was not afraid to move back to Maryland after to start yet again a new adventure. I remember telling her I was moving, and that I was petrified to drive the moving truck. She told me to go for it, and have fun doing it! And I did, and now, I would do it anytime.
This past Sunday, I got to ride on the back of a motorcyle. I was afraid, I'll admit. But that's why I wanted to try it. And I loved it. It's one of those activities that entirely clears your mind of thoughts, even if it's just for half an hour. Between the sound of the Harley and the cool autumn weather, it was so exhilirating. I love these Titanic moments, and I wish for every female out there, including Mom...don't be afraid. Be brave and do these things for yourself. They make you stronger, and braver for the next adventure life throws at you.

Pigeon Feathers in the Washer

So got a funny tale...I found a great deal on Craigslist. Thankfully I have washer and dryer hookups in my new building. So I found a washer and dryer for only $100. Craigslist never ceases to amaze me. Some of the content is completely nuts and so honest about how the general public acts and thinks. But you can also find the greatest deals. Usually whatever you're looking for is there. Including the apartment I found!
So my father and I went to pick up the appliances locally, no problems. We cart it through the scary I know there's dead bodies buried under here dirt floor in the basement. (Gotta love New England Houses!)We could not hook up the dryer, because of course it has the wrong giant 3-pronged plug. We hook up the washer, I clean it up, throw some cleaning product in, and start a wash. It runs! No problems, and I have to say I was quite proud of my purchase. While we're waiting for the wash to run through, my dad lifts to cover of the washer. All around the tub of the washer, there are feathers! It looked like a bird got trapped in there and panicked. A battle-field of feathers. My dad proceeds to say, it looks like pigeon feathers! I felt sick to my stomach. I looked below for a dead pigeon body. I smelled for rotting bird. Nothing. The wash runs through, and my dad says he will bring his Shop-Vac over and get rid of the feathers so they don't smell.
He leaves, and about 20 minutes later the phone rings. He is laughing, and says he told my mom about the pigeon. My mother straightens him out quickly. "I don't think so. Someone tried to wash a goose-down pillow." I have to say my stomach hurt from laughing over our stupidity. I mean, how could a bird get inside a washer? I don't know what we were thinking...

I can't wait to go food shopping...

So, yes, big news, Boomerang chick is moving out! No more stories of living in prison...oops I mean with the family. I'm sure I can still come up with some good tales, don't worry. So I found a place, and despite the unknowns of work this year am forging forward to my very own space again. I have to say I have not felt this happy in months. The monetary disadvantage is far outweighed by the financial discount of my situation, let me tell you. I decided on a place, not because it was in a super trendy area near downtown Providence, but in my very own hometown that I swore again and again I would not move back to. Hey, sometimes we go home, what can I say. Time goes by, wounds heal, and we are able to make a free choice and are happy with it. I followed advice from Rent My Space on HGTV, and it has 80% of the major facets I wanted. I can't wait to move.
I also can't wait to go food shopping. To come home, put things in the refridgerator. Even if it looks empty, it's wonderful. And I'm basically starting from scratch, so I can buy whatever I want! I can't wait.
Just the decision is making me feel like myself again, so I want to start adding fashion pieces on my blog. I had a fashion blog a couple of years back. It was fun and there were always lots of comments. So be on the lookout...

A Simpler Life is Not For Everyone

To answer my woes of the stress of living with family, I posted an ad on Craigslist in mid-July offering dog and housesitting as a service. I received a request from a lovely girl that is living in Southern RI with her fiance. They needed someone to watch their very sweet dog Tika. So voila, here I am. I've been here five days, and I have to say I am starting to feel like my old self again being by myself, buying my own food, and controlling my own temperature (for the most part-New England had a heat wave last week).
The house here is a sort of cottage that is quaint, pretty, architectural and interesting. It's in a quiet wooded area, and it's very peaceful. The first night I thought I was going to be attacked by the 750,000 different bugs that come to life after dusk. By the fifth day, I'm used to the sounds and actually find them very relaxing.
The couple that lives here live very simply. I've not grown used to this, and have decided this type of life is not for everyone. I don't consider myself overly materialistic or high maintenance. But I did feel greedy when I first arrived. There is no television. I've gone without cable, but not without television. I've found I don't mind it due to having online viewing via my Netflix account. Which means I don't think I could go without tv.
It's not just the absence of tv that makes me feel this is simple living. It's basic furniture, basic cleaning and makeup items, and very basic clutter. There is one knife for use in the kitchen. There is one baking pan. The bed is from Ikea. There is something comforting in it all, but I find I miss my things even more this week. I stored the majority of my things in storage while residing with my family. Now, if the storage place burned down, or if I had to move suddenly without getting my things out, I would be ok. But I am also looking forward to getting my things out. I think it will feel like I went shopping or got lots of presents. Maybe others would look at my things as simple, I don't know. But we all have our space, our items, and we enjoy them however simple or not-so-simple they may be.

One very simple thing I've enjoyed the past two days-the ocean is a cool fifteen minutes away. It is one simple thing in life I can always find joy in.

I May Be Over My Writer's Block...

I had a momentary lapse of writers block last week. My family had gone away for a week, and after their return it bummed me out a little. I felt guilty for this, but the time spent alone reminded me of how much I missed it. Not that I want to live entirely alone, but living with family is very different than a roommate or a signifigant other that we enjoy and also that respects our space.
With this in mind I've determined to find my own space again, before I am driven to madness. Last week I felt slightly down at their return, this week I feel downright on edge. Do you ever have those moments when you're looking at yourself from above, and you're completely feeling like you're in the Twilight Zone? Ahhhhh! Yes, I felt that when we had a family discussion-slash-slight intervention about the refridgerator and leaving ceiling fans on. This is what it's like when you live with someone who is elderly. So if you're contemplating it, just picture coming home to an 80 degree home and when you comment on it, you are given the reply, "Why, is it hot out?" Yeah. Anyways.
I have such a hard time with the expectations I've had on what I expected for my life. The storybook sort of situation I anticipated for so long while growing up is so far fetched now, it really bums me out and I have to stop thinking about it. I actually had to delete someone I knew on Facebook who provides a daily update of how loved she feels from her husband and how much fun she has with her kids. Sometimes we have to realize what brings us down and we have to take control over it. I battle feeling bad for feeling envious of this, because I am happy for anyone who has a good home and good situation. There are far too many people that do not, so anyone who does, I smile for you and pray I will have a little of that normalcy someday. But that is what is normal to me, and not everyone wants that. So whatever you want, I hope you receive it. Even if it means you want to live with grandma.

Watching the Wants

Things we want are way too convenient and available in this day and age. The mentality of my generation and credit card use has engineered a group that quickly buys new hair products, makeup, clothing, and many many accessories. I once saw a blip on the news about the amount of coffee a Generation X female bought in a week. She bought two in the morning, one with her daily $7.00 lunch. The total spent every week was approximately $90 a week, and this didn't include the weekend!

I am not always the money savvy chick I'd like to be, I'll admit. It's all too easy for me to be at Target and easily spend fifty dollars, go home, and wonder what I bought. Often it's new lotions, new underwear, new cleaning products, new hair gel. But when I get home, I have nearly full bottles on the shelf already! When's the last time you actually had one bottle of hair gel, squeezed out the last bit, and didn't have another bottle waiting? Even the Depression girl, my grandmother, has multiple giant sizes of mouthwash. How much will she ever use?

I can proudly say I think I've become a little better over the years. For example, all the way to work this morning I wanted a low-fat turkey bacon at Starbucks. Instead of meditatively thinking about joys in my life or the tasks I needed to do today at work, I went back and forth about eight times on whether I should get a Cafe Mocha and my sandwich. In the last ten seconds before taking the left to work told myself to go have cereal from my stash at work. I was proud of myself.

Also, at the beginning of the summer I bought a trial kit of spf face lotions for $20. I thought it was a great deal. It came with fifteen small size lotions, and I've found they lasted about three weeks each. I'm still using the remaining few, and have saved myself from buying a $45 bottle I didn't really care for since it's given me the chance to try brands I've always wanted to.

I haven't been able to master this with shoes, but I've been pretty good this summer. It's unbelievable how quickly we spend our hard earned money. The credit world has created some ugly spending monsters. I've noticed if I carry cash, I spend it much more frugally than even using instant cash from a debit card. It's small progress, but I'm really trying to work on watching the wants.

Staying Positive

Did you know if you google "positive thinking" it lends to 45,200,000 hits? I've been jokingly saying to friends lately that everyone I know is either crazy, or has discovered they are physically sick in some way. Particularly lately in the economy we are in, there is a level of stress in the air I don't think I've seen before. It's very hard to stay positive when you have family stress, your job is unstable, and the bills never go down.
Being the boomerang chick that I am (aka living with my parents, with no home to call of my own, amongst other things), I find it difficult to be a positive person. I discovered in the past few years that I probably have had a form of depression my whole life. Life's changes are difficult, and I don't always deal with them very well. I tend to dwell on the negative. A LOT. Negative Nelly, that's me.
So I've decided this week to write down some positives I can focus on. Instead of re-thinking of all I don't have, here's what I can do:

I don't a house of my own yet. But I have a place to go everynight that is always warm, safe, and secure. My heart goes out to the approximate 4M U.S. families that do not, and I remind myself to appreciate this every day.

If I don't ever get married again, I can live with my parents paying cheap rent, and I can make next year my year of Europe travel.

I'm still not a mother. But I can borrow a friend's child, get completely exhausted and cranky like parents do, but I get give them back at the end of the day!

Even if I'm not done college, there is still time to finish. And I will, no matter how old!

I don't have the sparkling, wonderful career that so many have, but I have the exact car I have always wanted.

I don't always like how I look, and what I weigh, but I have good health, and can go to my spin classes all I want.

My brother has not been nice to my family the past few years, and has made me cry for my mother alot. But I have a lot of really nice people in my life that remind me they think of me often.

I'm slightly dimented by my parents, but really, now, Stacy, who ISN'T?

And if all else fails, whenever I buy a pair of shoes I somehow feel better, at least for that day.

One Room

I've been living in one room for five months now. It's about 13 X 13. Of course, I grew up this way. I was the only girl and always had my own space. But being 5, or 15, is different from 35 and living in one space. When we're kids, we venture out. We watch (or at least I used to) television with our parents. And we were a traditional family that always ate together at the dinner table by five o'clock.

I feel bad a lot, because I'm very anti-social here. I'm staying with my paternal grandmother, and not taking advantage of the time I could be spending with her. Maybe someday I will feel guilty about this, I don't know. There's just something in me that stops me, and I imprison myself in here every day.

So what do I do in this room? I come home after the gym, and I sit down on my bed. I sometimes have my meals in here. I read in here, search online, update my IPod, and watch TV. I do my nails, and think and think. It's not always good. I feel like when I have my own space again, I will fly through the house, the openness, and feel a new freedom. I think often of places I've lived in over the past few years. Some were good, some not so good. It's given me a wisdom about landlords and windows in the winter.

One of the biggest things I miss is having a kitchen. Women are MEANT to have their own kitchens. I am convinced of this. It doesn't matter if we eat cheese and crackers for dinner over the sink, or cook an eight course meal. I miss buying fruits and fresh veggies for the fridge, and having twenty different bottles of beer waiting for me to try.

When I first moved in, I considered buying a dorm fridge to keep in my room. But it's already so cluttered, I just couldn't do it. I know my limits. I think when I leave here, I will be determined to never eat in the bedroom again. And I'll spend a lot of time in every part of my house.

Why I Don't Want to Get Old

So I decided I really don't want to get old. The things you worry about are scary. Because they're not really scary. I live in New England. Granted, we get some scary cold winters. But you'll never face a life-threatening tornado, sunami, or earthquake here. In July, the worst weather you'll face is blaring 90 degree humidity.

My little shuffling, four-feet nine-inch grandmother worries about the weather year-round. She kept the heat on into June this year. If my father didn't dummy her boiler and turn it off, I'm pretty sure she'd still have it on. The other morning, she is doing her regular routine and reading the paper. "Oh, thundershowers today. I better close the screen." She shuffles to the side door. Opens the alumium door, and closes the screen on the outside door. I don't know if she has been like this her whole life, I have never asked. I know she hasn't worked in twenty years, she has not driven in ten. She has never lived alone. I wonder if anyone has ever studied why old people worry about the weather. Maybe twice every winter, when I'm stuck at work and there is already five inches on the ground, I'll check the weather to determine my commute. If we've had five days of rain, I'll check for sun.

Maybe she's just making conversation. But usually when she talks about it, I'm not even in the room. Ok now I'm even more afraid of getting old...

Boomeranging

This week I was watching one of those morning news shows. It said that due to our economic times today, up to 15 million young adults, most of them single, have become boomerang children. They've returned to live at home to save money. I found it amusing that Mr. Martin recommended parents setting some rules. I've been living with my mother, father, and grandmother since February 1st of this year. There are some rules of my own I'd like to set!

However in thinking about the program this week, I've become aware that my life sort of feels like a boomerang. Initially at 25 I intended to embark on a marital journey of bliss, a house and children. This did not work out, and here I am 3 years after being divorced, living with my family, and nothing feels solid. I tried to buy a house last year, a condominium this year, and that didn't work out. I've been trying to get my degree for 5 years. But life is messy, and it's no easy task for me to keep going and going like I'm the Energizer bunny. My friends lives have gotten messy and my normal worry about everyone tendency kicks in.

So I looked up Boomerang on Wikipedia today. I found that the literal boomerang can teach us some life lessons. There are different types of throwing contests: accuracy of return; Aussie round; trick catch; maximum time aloft; fast catch; and endurance. I looked these up, and here are some of my own comparisons:

Accuracy: points are awarded according to how close the boomerang lands to the centre of the rings. The thrower must not touch the boomerang after it has been thrown. Each thrower has five attempts. Life lesson: We get lots of chances to make the best decisions. And in lots of those times, we can't touch them after we throw them out. We have no control, and we need to give it our best shot and just let it go.

Endurance: points are awarded for the number of catches achieved in 5 minutes. No, we don't have to do everything in five minutes. What we decide takes time, what joy or pain we have takes time. We need patience. This is one of life's hardest lessons.

Fast Catch and Consecutive Catch: the time taken to throw and catch the boomerang five times. The winner has the fastest timed catches, and in consecutive, points are awarded for the number of catches achieved before the boomerang is dropped.. Lesson: we can't be afraid (as I always am!). The more we put ourselves out there, being brave and taking risks, the more we get in return.

Juggling: as with Consecutive Catch, only with two boomerangs. At any given time one boomerang must be in the air. TWO boomerangs? I can barely manage one life. Imagine the discipline involved in mastering two? In the same way, we must teach ourselves to be disciplined. Letting go of everything, no matter how bad it seems, is not disciplined. Letting go of goals is not disciplined. Sometimes we feel like we're going to go crazy. Our head swims with the stress and complications of everything around us. But it calms down every so often, so we need to keep disciplined and focused in our goals through the drama and the calm.

My last point of interest in having a boomerang life lately: Even if we do small, insignificant things, we can still make a mark in our own lives: The top non-discipline record is held by Sadir Kattan of Australia. In 1997 he flew the required 20 metres returning to the accuracy circles with a boomerang measuring only 48 mm [1.8 in] long and 45 mm [1.77 in] wide!

Citations:

"Boomerang." Wikipedia. 10 Jul 2009 .

Martin, Ray. "Boomerang." CBS NEWS. 07/09/2009. CBS. 10 Jul 2009 .